Dead Fish Song

from Suburban Ballet by The Real Whitaker Todd

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lyrics

[for two girls that separately held my heart in their hands 2009-2013.]

Below a churning black sky on a sour milk sea, the dead fish poke their heads out and start talking to me from the edge of my raft through their terrible fangs and I cover my ears as they whisper me things like how I let your body twist into smoke, how my insides would cave in whenever you spoke, how you ran through my head ‘til you ran out of breath but I still couldn’t catch you; my lungs felt like death. There’s a girl that plays guitar with my heartstrings stretched over my ribs and she plays every note with such cruel honesty. I think there’s something that I’ve missed. I’m swimming home quick as I can to avoid being sucked into the sea or up into the void of trillions of uncaring stars in the sky as the machines down below all wave me “goodbye.”I woke up this morning in a strange new place; I shrunk down, found myself on your porcelain face and I dug down deep into the skin of the earth in an attempt to find where I buried my self-worth. In each grain of dirt, I could see an abyss of baby blue in which I dove into to escape a rogue and bitter truth. Now I’m that noise in the dark more frightened of you than you of it just fumbling through the blackness for a quiet place to sit.

credits

from Suburban Ballet, released October 30, 2013

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The Real Whitaker Todd Holbrook, New York

2011-2020

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